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Leave It All Out On The Field

Some day there won’t be a baby in my arms and on my hip and my arms will feel funny; my hip will jut out, I’ll rock from side to side, I’ll bounce – all out of habit, like phantom limbs can give you pain. I’ll have to correct my posture and to relearn where people put their arms when they aren’t full. I’ll figure out how to converse with people without interruptions and with good eye contact because I won’t be rushing off to stop a little guy from darting into the street.

Some day I’ll go out for a walk alone and I will walk alone.

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For today, even when I think I’ve escaped for a walk alone, I find little buddies on bikes catching up to me to ride alongside. For a person who loves alone time like I do, it is sometimes exhausting because they keep plugging into me even when I just want to recharge my own self.

It would be annoying to me except that I just got off the phone with my own mom. When I hung up, I saw that we had been on the phone for 1 hour and 31 minutes and we had nothing to talk about, so perhaps it’s genetic; even though he still spends most of the day with me, he’d still like a little more. Perhaps all of us are just plugging and unplugging our way through the whole of our lives.

However you are a mother – through birthing, adopting, helping, assisting, listening, supporting – we all need whatever good you are giving the world. There is not a single one of us who wouldn’t take a little more help and assistance and there is no single way to be a mother; I have been mothered by women who haven’t birthed any babies, who’ve never held a newborn and wanted, or who were never able to have, one of their own. My children need your goodness in this world, too, so for me this day is for any woman who gives of herself and loves bigger than herself.

I’m going with a Leave It All On The Field approach to life and that includes laying it all down with my kids and for my kids. It includes letting him ride his bike next to me, but asking him to refrain from talking because I need the silence. This doesn’t mean I’m spending the whole day with them today, though, because I’m not. I’ll find a way to sneak away without a stowaway. And then we’ll all come back together and plug in again and again and again until forever.

Leave It All Out On The Field

That was mine,
and so was that lunch
and so was my body before it took all the punches
that come from giving life –
from carrying
from birthing
from feeding all through the night.

At the end of this run,
it’ll all be done
no matter what we look like,
no matter how we fight
to cling to this world,
it’ll kick us out
in the end.

I’ve decided to go
with creases and lines,
marks and rolls, too,
because we all end up that way
no matter what we do.
You can see the ones who fight like hell
to keep it all together,
to make it all look swell.
At the end
in the box,
no matter what they’ve done,
it’s over and gone.

I’ll go with a life lived well,
hard if it must,
if it means that
all of what I have had
goes on to you
and you remember that
all the way through.

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1 Comment
  • Marcie Robinson
    Reply

    I love this!!!

    June 11, 2015 at 2:40 pm

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