exc-53a79abde4b0c5f36ab61637

Bathroom Break

  He goes when the feeling hits and has consecutive moments of peace and quiet. He shuts the door, and is alone with himself. I try not to keep score, but I can’t help myself. The door never shuts for me. It is a group project with plenty of opinions and ideas about my body. He flushes and washes and...

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blink

Blink

Two days ago I was asking my mom for money for gas for her car so that I could drive it to meet friends at a park, or at a football game, or at a house, if we were lucky. And then yesterday – I am sure it was yesterday – I am holding a little hand and...

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tworules

Two Rules

You can decide to become any profession at all; it makes no difference to me. A ferry boat driver, a mountaineer, an ice cream maker, or just a loving Daddy to three. I will believe in whatever you choose to be. You can decide to fill your life with any body you wish. A man, a...

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thepossum

The Possum

He is dead weight in my aching arms. Motionless body, rhythmic breath. I’ve been bouncing, jiggling, singing, twirling, rocking for minutes that feel like hours, like a stoned teenager at a rock concert. We’re there now; I’m sure of it. My arms are done and shaky. His breath is regular and measured. His body is limp and folded and tucked into my own. However the feeling changes, I never...

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comeforthem

Come for Them

If I left you tomorrow, would you remember how our eyes locked when our souls connected on levels at which only mothers and children can go? Small mercies would be given, I pray. A shopping trip here, a lunch date there. But who would be with you when the shit hits the fan? When...

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naptime

Nap Time

I wait for nap time like I used to wait for a Friday night. Like some wait for cocktail hour each night. Like others wait for time to take a long run any night. Fed Ex Man, Tree Trimming Person, Sweet Little Neighbor Girl Who’d Like To Play In My House, Mother-In-Law, It Is Nap Time. I’ve been waiting for the...

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as long as shes

As Long As She’s Mine

(I haven't met a mother who doesn't hope for health for her kids.  But, you know what?  Sometimes it doesn't always work out exactly like you hoped and you still have a really, really wonderfully beautiful life.  Once our kids are with us, there are...

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Post-noimage

When I Die

When I die, fill my church with children. Bring them with you with their snack bags, messy hair and ill-fitted sport coats. Fill the space with their giggles, their cries, their untimely comments, and their legs that carry their tiny bodies quickly down the aisle before you have a chance to catch them. It is ok. Let...

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monstersunderthebed

Monsters under the Bed

The monsters under my bed look differently than those you see under yours. But the fear, the insecurity, and the imagination that each of our monsters incite is the very same. The only way I’ve found to get away from them is to cling to you as tightly as you cling to me....

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kairos

Kairos

While he practices climbing up the stairs and going down again for the tenth time today. While I stand beside her as she misses the connection on the buckles of her car seat over and over before she finally gets it right. While I listen as he tells a never-ending, seemingly...

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